Inconsistent chatter from a Sacramento-based 'Sconi attorney.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

The bizarre mascots at the 1995 Pro Bowl

From Football Outsiders via Yahoo Sports Blog:

Something very strange happened at the 1995 Pro Bowl, and I'm not talking about the most lopsided Pro Bowl quarterback matchup of all time (Troy Aikman, Brett Favre, Warren Moon and Steve Young for the NFC against Jeff Blake, Steve Bono, Jim Harbaugh and Dan Marino for the AFC).

There were a bunch of rogue mascots roaming the sidelines, and I'm not sure where the hell they came from. Let's take a look.

Someone who would know has never seen nor heard of this mascot ever patrolling the Redskins sideline. I think he's cute, though. I call him "Dancing With Stereotypes." Real positive influence for the kids out there.

You know who this reminds me of? Ted from Scrubs. He's the only mascot in sports history who always looks like he's one or two steps away from suicide. He represented the Browns at the '95 Pro Bowl.

This appears to be Steely McBeam's long lost cousin, Aluminum McSoiledHisPants. Why he looks so afraid, I have no idea. The Steelers are named after local steel workers, not local people made of low-grade, easily-frightened tin.

The Rams were represented by this fellow, who had the nicest belt buckle in all of mascot land. To reproduce this look at home, simply glue horns onto your cat.

SNOWFLAKE! This one's actually my favorite. I like the little dolphin arms, I like the big round head, and I like the fact that he looks like he just smoked a turkey bag.

I believe the "Charger" is supposed to represent a horse, or, in this case, the demon byproduct of an unholy menage a trois with a horse, a bull, and a moose. Why everyone else is wearing the number '0' and this guy gets Junior Seau's jersey, I don't know. I suspect they had an affair.

This Falcons mascot appears to have cross-bred with a giraffe. He also appears to be wearing a hoodie, which is an odd choice for Hawaii, and given the dimensions of his neck, would double the amount of fabric required for the garment.

Since Eagles can fly, I don't know why this chap bothered to get his pilot's license and the goggles that came with it. That seems redundant.

What I don't know is if any of these interesting fellows ever served as real, actual mascots for their teams, or if they were just created for the 1995 Pro Bowl. Most of them, I've never seen before. Hopefully, some of you can help out with the history of these characters.

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