How the New York Times would cover the New York Yankees...

If they were in fact the U.S. Military:

The quagmire at Yankee Stadium

Fans came trickling into Yankee Stadium amid fears that their hometown team would implode. Only 55,246 fans attended the game.

Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina was in trouble early as Covelli "Coco" Crisp opened the game with a double for the Sox of Red. The higher paid Yankees were futile as they tried to deal with the insurgent Crisp. Their battle plan was wrong, and coaches in the field admitted as much off the record. Although the next three batters each struck out, Mussina was a tired, overpaid pitcher, ill-equipped to deal with the flexibility of the speedy Crisp.

In the home half of inning Johnny Damon walked, but was quickly erased in fielders choice. the Yankees were hemmed into a Green Zone by Josh Beckett's pitches.

Yankee batters lacked the proper body armor to face Boston pitchers as Jorge Posada would discover when he was hit with a pitch later, in the bottom of the third. It was a near-fatal blow that the trainer admitted could have been deadly if the pitch had been thrown faster and at his temple, and he had his helmet off.

In the top of the second, the Boston assault began in earnest with the Yankees unable to tell when the Sox of Red would next score. First Trot Nixon singled. Then Kevin Youkillis singled. Then Mike Lowell singled to tie the game at 1. The Red Sox had Mussina on the ropes. It was the 2004 playoffs all over again. You could see it in the eyes of the fans. They knew the Yankees could not stop the Boston team. Jason Varitek gave himself up in a sacrifice double play and Boston soon ended the inning with twice as many runs as the Yankees.

It was useless. The Yankees were too far behind. Caught in a quagmire after but 1 1/2 innings, experts in the Yankee clubhouse said they would give up soon.

The Yankees tried to rally as Posada and Robinson Canó somehow managed to get on base. But Andy Phillips ended the rally with a three-run homer. Sure, Bernie Williams, Miguel Cairo and Damon each singled to continue the inning. But Melky Cabrera grounded into a fielder's choice. Again. Just like he did in the first inning. That made Jason Giambi's home run a three-run blast instead of a grand slam.

Experts agreed that even with an 8-2 lead, there was no way the Yankees could ever win this battle. Beckett walked the next batter and decided that with the Yankee team this far behind even though the score was 8-2, he could go home early and save his arm for another day. He let Jermaine Van Buren finish the inning.

A play-by-play of the rest of the game was unnecessary. The Yankees were outnumbered. Reports had it that the Yankees battered Van Buren for 5 runs in the bottom of the third. President Steinbrenner vowed to appoint an independent investigation to see if this was true and to take appropriate action.

The Yankees had scored a few runs early, maybe 13, but late in the game, when it would have mattered if the game had been close, they were unable to score. This showed a team whose batters were tired from running around the bases, obviously out of shape. Manager Joe Torre refused to answer questions about the lack of conditioning for the team.

But the facts are the facts. The team's offense gave up after a mere three innings. David Riske faced 12 batters and none of them scored. Two struck out. Julian Tavarez faced 8 batters. None of them scored. Two struck out. Manny Delcarmen faced 3 batters in the 8th and none of them scored.

That showed the Yankees took on the Boston team without the proper training, body armor or manpower. While the scoreboard showed the Yankees 13, Red Sox 5, it was a moral victory for Boston and bodes poorly for the rest of the season for the New York team, which was expected to win easily instead of giving up so many runs.