Like I do every day, when I want a dose of hard-hitting sports news, I turn to US Weekly. The periodical has not one but two bits of information regarding our heroic, purple-lipped, World Series-strikeout machine.
Let's cut right to the chase here, because there is no side-stepping the absolute ridiculousness of it. In an *EXCLUSIVE* story, US Weekly reports that a former lov-ah characterizes Rodriguez as a narcissist of sorts, going so far as to have two portraits of himself depicted as a centaur.
'He was so vain,' his ex tells Us Weekly. 'He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure?'
Adds the ex, 'It was ridiculous.'
Hoo boy. Apparently, one portrait hung over his bed. No word on the location of the other painting. Perhaps hanging above his ha-tub?
Moving on, Kate Hudson, A-Rod's current flame, has a tendency to gush
during about their spirited bouts of Skanko-Roman wrestling.
'They love sex!' a pal tells Us Weekly of the pair who began dating in May. 'They talk about it all day. Kate gets graphic talking about his body, even to her parents.'
Holy crap! A couple is passionate about their lovemaking at the beginning of their relationship? Scandalous! All I know is Chris Robinson is weeping. Not because of Kate Hudson, his ex, but because he just ran out of grass. I hate it when that happens.
We have long suspected that Mr. Rodriguez may have some "issues," but if this is true, it really takes the cake. I mean, a centuar? Come on. How very droll. Sure, with the vast sums of money I have accumulated from sports blogging, I recently commissioned a painting of me as a minotaur, but since a minotaur is a man with a bull's head, it turned out just to be a regular old portrait of me. I guess I should have consulted my Dungeons & Dragons Monster's Manual beforehand. I'll never get that money back.
Nevertheless, a centaur is an interesting choice, especially for A-Rod. Wouldn't have a satyr, in particular the god Pan, been more appropriate? Not due to Rodriguez's penchant for Dionysian revelry, but because he's on his way to being the goat of the World Series?
Get it? You do? Still not laughing? Oh.